He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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