Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
