just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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