I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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