You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Small penises have feelings too.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
