It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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