I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
