last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm too high and old for this...
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