Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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