so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
