well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
