she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize