did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
