pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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