Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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