Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
