we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mom said you looked used
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His nipple licking is glorious
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