I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
