dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
