I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
