Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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