and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
