4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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