wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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