Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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