My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
