hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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