just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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