worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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