just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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