the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In America we eat man semen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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