just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
