i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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