I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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