NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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