mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
