The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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