Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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