just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just high enough for therapy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
