I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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