I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
