he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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