you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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