dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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