Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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