That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
