TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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