ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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