Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
