Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
