just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
