she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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