How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
