When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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