No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize