I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
