can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
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Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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