Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
