so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
accomplished twins. life is a go
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
