he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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