Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
