My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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