I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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